A Very Special Guest

I had just been through a stressful quarter of an hour with the toddler boys. The girls had set up a restaurant in their play room, and they had added to the stress by asking several times if I would come be a guest. I couldn't right then. Eventually, the stress settled down. I took a few minutes to find some sanity by building a hot and short little paper fire. Fire can be hypnotic, and I pondered as I alternately snuggled and wrestled my fledgling toddler how fleeting these days can be. I thought about how sometimes I think longingly about a time when I will not be responsible for an infant 24/7. Oh, the freedom! Then I think that I will no longer have a small person to snuggle. Oh, the loneliness! I thought how some days are so frustrating, and some are so rewarding. I thought about how these can even be a matter of moments apart, not days.

Almost on cue, Kandy came up to remind me about the restaurant. Ready to placate them, I asked if I could bring my baby. She said I could, and I said, "I'll be right there." I started to get up, and I heard her run downstairs, calling to Missy: "Get ready! We have a very special guest coming!"

I dined on plastic jacks and imaginary Sprite. Kandy took my order, Missy prepared the plate, Buster kept my cup full, and Sunny cleaned up the dishes. As I left to endure the rigors of bedtime, I heard Kandy singing about their very special guest.

Somehow, for just a moment, all of the stress and frustration was so worth it. I may have to be an ogress sometimes to get results, but I am still a very special guest in their eyes. How humbling. I often think I really should play with them more. I spend so much time cooking, cleaning, and meeting basic needs that I feel there is not enough time. As I did dishes after dinner, I considered the story of Mary and Martha.

I really should try harder to find balance between enjoying my children and meeting their needs.

Resolution

It's interesting how much easier it is to offer my children healthy foods and less junk food than it is to do it for myself. I have a major weakness when it comes to sugar and chocolate. I wish I could be more like Ben! At the party on Monday night, he stood around snacking on carrots. I stood around snacking on lemon bars, frog-eye salad, and cookies. If there is sugar in the house, I will find it and eat it. In the absence of good treats, I will eat chocolate chips. If those are all gone, I have been known to take a spoon and go after straight brown sugar. I don't sit down with the bag, I just eat a spoonful here and there. I know I really should be better. I know that I should eat more fruits and vegetables and less fats and sugars. When I'm hungry, though, it's so hard. I just want to grab what tastes good and what I can eat quickly. The same lack of time that prohibits careful thought or preparation of my snacks also makes time for exercise tough to come by.

I have known that this could shorten my life expectancy, but in the moment, it's hard to think of the future. All I think of is what would taste yummy right now. And honestly, I'm not thrilled with the idea of getting old. I visit teach some pretty old sisters (2 of them have died since I started visiting them a few years ago), and so visiting them can be pretty depressing. The other option of dying young, though, has little to recommend it, either.

Now, however, my thoughts have changed. One of my friends is in the hospital, and it doesn't look too good for her. She was having some issues with her kidneys, and she has now contracted a blood infection. Her health has deteriorated significantly since I met her 5 years ago. She has 4 living children. The oldest is married, the second is a return missionary, the third (a girl) is out of high school, but the fourth is still a teenager. On Sunday, I saw this teenage daughter, and she looks as though she has been stricken a mortal blow. As I saw the look on her face, it made me truly appreciate how valuable my life is in the eyes of my children. What dreaming of being thinner or the general sense of my own mortal risk hasn't done, the look on her face managed to do. For the first time, I have a sincere interest in changing my habits in an attempt to improve my chances of a long life.

I fight an uphill battle against heart disease because it runs so strongly in my family. Heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure and cholesterol are pretty much a matter of course. My own cholesterol when tested 3 years ago made my doctor prescribe some strict diet changes for me. Did I do them? Not really. That was partly because I got pregnant shortly after and resorted to the "I'll eat anything that doesn't make me feel icky" mentality. Now I wish I could find that paper! In the meantime, though, I'm starting by trying to eat fruits and veggies for snacks instead of junk food. I ate two servings of carrots for snacks yesterday and an orange this morning.

I had thought in the past of putting some visual to remind me of being thinner on my cupboards or fridge to remind myself of my goals and discourage snacking. Now, however, the memory of my young friend's face comes up each time I want to make a poor decision. I want to be a part of my children's lives as long as possible. I want to be there when they become adults. I want to see and enjoy my grandchildren.

I am praying that my friend recovers to remain here with her family. However, I am also praying that they will be comforted in the event that it is her time to return to her Maker. Regardless of the outcome, though, I hope the memory of her daughter's fear and helplessness continues to motivate me to do what I can to prolong my life.

Broken Health Care

We just finished filling out our tax forms. In so doing, we looked at all the money we spent on health care during the last year. For the vast majority of the year, we were completely uninsured. During the year, Ben had an ER visit, and I was pregnant. I payed something toward my total bill with every OB visit until I had applied for Medicaid. We originally hoped we could pay for the baby ourselves, but the ER visit, the new van, and the new roof really zapped our savings. Anyway, we were horrified and frustrated as we tallied up nearly $6,000 in medical bills! Even more amazing, though, was when we started discussing whether Ben and I should get insurance through his work this year. Last year the premiums for a couple were about $330. Hmmm, $330 times 12 months equals $3,960! That wouldn't include co-pays or other out-of-pocket expenses. For the whole family to be covered costs in the neighborhood of $600. That math comes to $7,200!!! So guess what? We actually SAVED money by not having health insurance.

I was actually quite grateful for this epiphany. I have felt bad and guilty about not having health insurance. It hasn't stopped me from getting my kids to the doctor for their well visits and shots, and we have all received the care we need. In fact, we have received substantial discounts because we have tried to pay up-front as much as possible. For my ultrasound, I was charged less than 50% what they would have charged insurance, and then they even gave me a partial refund after the fact.

Obamacare isn't the answer to this mess. There is a fantastic article I read a few months ago. I may have referenced it here, but if you haven't read it yet, you should: How American Health Care Killed My Father by David Goldhill.

There are several points of his that I want to bring up, however. One of the major problems that the author, David Goldhill, mentions is the "invisible" costs. Those who have insurance spend way more money on health care than those without. The difference is that it's not their money!

Also, Goldhill gives an example of the exorbitant costs that we actually pay through premiums and lost paycheck money due to the employer's share of the healthcare premiums.

Government funded healthcare isn't the answer, either. Other government-paid health care systems have grown at a similar rate to our own. Besides, who pays the government? US! It's still not free--the cost is just hidden from us.

As I re-read it, I find tons that I would love to quote. I can't quote it all, but I do have to share this one: "We all believe we need comprehensive health insurance because the cost of care—even routine care—appears too high to bear on our own. But the use of insurance to fund virtually all care is itself a major cause of health care’s high expense."

If you want to read his wonderful solution, jump to page 6.

So what did we do with Ben's enrollment at work? We signed the waiver and said we wouldn't pay insurance premiums. We just hope that nothing really major goes wrong before we can find room in our budget to pay for medical savings and a catastrophic plan.

Pick and Choose Genetics, Anyone?

Sometimes don't you wish you could pick and choose the genes your kids get? "Okay, they get your moist skin, but my level of moles and freckles. Your lack of food allergies, and my hair color." Unfortunately, we just don't get to do that.

Today we went to the dentist. Ah, what a lovely way to celebrate the day off of school, right? Missy has one cavity. Sunny gets to add 3 more fillings to her record, which I believe was 4 before. Yikes. Me? Guess how many cavities I had as a kid? NONE! Want to know when I got my first filling? Right before my mission. Even then, the dentist said, "Well, these aren't real cavities, but we don't want them to go bad while you're in France." After 5 kids, my mouth is a different story. But my childhood and adolescent record still stands: ZERO CAVITIES.

Why couldn't all my kids get my teeth???

Internet

How did people live without the Internet? I know how I lived without it as a kid, but the proliferation of the Internet coincided neatly with my entry into adulthood as a college student. I love the Internet!

For one thing, it helps me feel socially connected as a SAHM through blogging (mine and others) and facebook. It is also amazing for doing research! I can research everything from cribs and high chairs to which actors were in which movies from the comfort of my office chair. When doing price and product comparisons, it's easy to pause to help kids, and I don't have to haul 3, 4, or 5 kids to a store just to look at something. I recently went shopping with my mom for clothes, and browsing was such a weird experience for me. If I get to the store (other than the grocery store), I am on a mission! I almost always walk in, get what I need and leave as quickly as possible because I either have kids with me or feel like I need to get home to them as soon as I can.

This year I am particularly grateful because getting out to do holiday errands is very tricky with a brand new baby. First of all, we want to keep him away from germs as much as possible. In fact, the nurses at the pediatrician's office recommend keeping him away from public gatherings if at all possible until he is 4 months old! Second, finding time between feedings and the other kids' schedules is tough. Today, though, I finished shopping for one family on my list. Yay! It's even going to be shipped straight to them, saving me a trip to the post office.

I am so thankful for the Internet!

Running to Stand Still

Yes, it's long and musing. There is a point at the end, though, I promise!

"Abel" did not gain very much weight before his 2-day visit, so the doctor decreed that he should eat every 2 hours. Abel is also a lazy nurser. He generally likes to eat about 20 minutes per side. This means that out of every 2 hours, I have been spending roughly 50 minutes in the process of feeding, burping, and changing him. Luckily, with the Thanksgiving break, Ben and the older girls have been around much of the time to help. My mom has also been amazing. I have sometimes lamented the fact that she doesn't just come to stay for a whole week after the birth of a baby, but I think it's better this way. She didn't come for an entire week, but she can still come when I need her past the first week.

Anyway, I think Abel is putting on weight nicely now. I don't have a scale, but his cheeks sure seem chubbier to me! The past couple of days I have sometimes let him stretch 2 1/2 to 3 hours between feedings. This morning, he ate around 9am. Then he actually stayed awake after, which is unusual for him. (He mostly likes to be awake from 11pm to 1am and not much else.) I then tried to put him down for a nap. I laid down with him, and naturally, we both fell asleep. Buster came in when the TV came to a break, which is good because it woke me up. I realized I should make some lunch for Sunny and Buster. I was hoping Abel would continue to sleep for a while, but as I chivvied Buster and Sunny downstairs so they wouldn't be underfoot while cooking, Abel started crying.

I must confess that I often use the television to keep the kids out from underfoot. Sometimes it goes beyond use to abuse, unfortunately. Such was the case this morning. The TV had been on for most of the time from 7am until 11am, except for breakfast. Neither Sunny nor Buster was there the WHOLE time, but they had each watched about 3 hours. So here I am, trying to make lunch. Buster started opening all the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen, and Sunny was whining. After they went downstairs, Sunny was pouting (she wanted me to play with her) and Buster was amusing himself by hitting her and pulling her hair. Abel was crying in his bed. I decided that he could keep crying for a few minutes while I got lunch started.

I served lunch and fed the baby. After lunch, Sunny said she was tired and went downstairs. Buster finished, and I put him down for a nap. Abel, exhausted after his crying spell and waiting for his lunch, zonked out while eating and remained so after I put him in bed.

At about 12:15, I looked around the house. An hour before, three kids had been adamant about needing something! Crying, whining, misbehaving... Now, peace and quiet. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. Now I have had a delightful hour and a half. I put dinner in the Crock-Pot (yay!), did some dishes, and still had time for a peaceful lunch and leisure time in front of the computer. It's about time to get Abel up and feed him again, but now I'm recharged and ready.

I have learned that in parenting, it's often not so much bad days as bad hours. Sometimes it's just a very bad 10 minutes. And sometimes, yes, there are so many bad periods that the whole day seems bad. If I can take a minute to regroup and tell myself it can't last much longer, I somehow survive. Today it was a quick prayer as Abel started crying, and I knew that to cope, he would just have to wait a minute. I'm grateful for the inspiration I receive in this challenging job. And it is crazy to go from insanity to near-boredom in 10 minutes flat. Oh, and now I hear Abel.

Have a great day!

When to Be Surprised

We are approaching my mid-pregnancy ultrasound, and we are now faced with the big dilemma: Do we try and find out the gender or not? I know people who always do, people who never do, people who sometimes do, and people who don't get to whether they wanted to or not. My own philosophy was to find out until I had at least one boy and girl, at which point I wanted to be surprised. This is, therefore, the first time it has really been a big decision as to whether we find out. The problem is that I'm not sure I want to wait to find out even though we do have at least one of each gender.

So, pros and cons? Well, part of my problem is that aside from just waiting longer for the surprised, there isn't much benefit in waiting. Although I do have a friend who just had a baby that didn't cooperate on the ultrasound. She says that people seemed a lot more interested in her pregnancy because she didn't know the gender. She has two boys, and now she has a beautiful baby girl. Luckily, she has a sister with plenty of hand-me-downs, so getting her clothed hasn't been a problem.

The biggest advantage of finding out is planning. We will know which gender of baby clothes to keep slightly more accessible as we plan our storage. We will know how best to replace Sunny's toddler bed so Buster can use it. And although it wouldn't immediately impact bedroom arrangements, it would in the long run. It will also help with names. I think Ben kind of likes not discussing names all the time, though. Names are one of my passions, so he gets kind of sick of talking about them!

Of course, it could all be a moot point. As I said, my friend's baby didn't cooperate. Kandy was uncooperative, as well. The perinatologist took a look and said, "Well, I think that looks like a girl's bottom, but don't go painting the nursery pink." Our gut said she was a girl, so we told people 70% chance girl. We got lots of pink and some neutral, but no blue. Luckily, it worked out.

I'm not sure which I really want. I suppose that since I'm looking harder to justify finding out, maybe that is what I want most. I'm just not sure, though. Well, we still have about 3 weeks to decide.

How about you? Did you find out the gender of your babies ahead of time? Why or why not? Would you do it again?

Birthday Memories

I'm a little pensive today. Some of it has to do with the fact that it is Missy's birthday. She is 6 years old! Every time one of my kids has a birthday, I naturally think of the day they entered this world. Missy was born in the morning. We went to the hospital at 2am. Ben had to leave shortly after her birth because they had just been attacked by a computer virus at work, and he had to try and clean up the mess. Missy was named after my very talkative grandmother, Gani. We made her come to the hospital before we would tell her the name, and when she heard it, she just opened and closed her mouth a few times before she could even speak.

Gani with Missy

My grandmother passed away when Missy was about 11 months old. I'm glad she lived long enough to witness her namesake since I had always planned on naming my second daughter after her. So I think of my Gani today, too.

Missy, moments after her arrival.

Missy, 2 weeks old

Job Title: Referee

One of my biggest pet peeves in parenting is as follows:

Child A wants Object 1. Child B wants Object 1. Parent (a) introduces Object 2, intending it to distract and mollify Child B. Now Child B wants Object 2. Child A decides that Object 2 is better than Object 1. Object 1 now lies dejectedly in the middle of the floor as the argument continues over Object 2. Parent (a) shakes head, and proceeds to look for Object C.

Have you ever been: 1) Parent (a); 2) Child A; 3) Object 1?

Baby Kisses

Buster is too cute! Today has been one of those "Do I have to be the mom?" days. I have a cold and a good book I want to read. I'm also tired. However, a few minutes ago, Buster came fussing to my knee while I was reading blogs. I picked him up and started playing with him. He leaned over and gave me a baby kiss. He gives the best baby kisses! So for just a few minutes, I was very glad to be a mom...until someone hit someone else upstairs... Ah, the roller coaster.

Awesome site!

I found a really cool site that I wanted to share! It's called retailmenot.com. I now go there before I order anything online. It's a place to share promo codes for tons of sites. I have used it to get free shipping, discounts, and other goodies. Today I got 15% off some shoes. If you order stuff online, you should really check it out.

Happiness

I was tagged by Kristin.

6 things that make me happy, in no particular order.

Family. Where would I be without them? I'm grateful for the family I was raised in, and I'm grateful for the beautiful family I now have to raise.

Friends. There no matter what. Where else can I be myself?

My religion and my faith in God and Jesus. I seriously don't think I could have survived this long without my faith to cling to and support me through my trials.

A good book. Ain't nothin' better than cuddling up with a good read to escape the world!

Beauty in nature. I'm very guilty of rushing through life without stopping to smell the roses, but it does bring me peace and joy when I do take the time. I especially love roses, sunsets, and fall colors. I will also never forget an evening in France watching the waves break on the beach below a rocky outcropping.

Giving and serving with a willing heart. I have to specify the end, because far too often I give and serve my kids and others just as much as I absolutely have to. I know, though, that when I clean, for example, with the higher purpose of serving and blessing my family instead of "because I have to" and "it's a dump if I don't," I'm happier and I feel blessed for it.

I tag: Cripple Chicken, Tami, Jenny, Rob, Julia, Chris

Success and Expectations

So much of success depends on our expectations. I have been thinking this today because I just back from a successful day at the gym. Before I got pregnant with Buster, I signed up with a gym and trainer to get my body in better shape for pregnancy. I would spend about an hour and half at the gym doing cardio and weights.

Today was our first big day out to the gym now that Buster is old enough for the on-site care. Sunny was so excited! I was nervous, but rather than plan on a full workout, I decided that if I could just do 30 minutes of cardio, it would be worth it. I had been on the bike for a little over 20 minutes, I think, when they paged me. Buster had just lost it and was very sad and tired. I picked him up and cuddled him, doing a few stretches so I wouldn't seize up in the car on the way home. Sunny was pretty upset that we had to leave, but we did anyway.

If I had hoped to spend an hour or more, I would have been very disappointed. However, because I adjusted my expectations to something a little more realistic, I think it was a great success--especially for a first time. I hope I can lengthen things out a little (I'd like to stretch before I pick them up, at least), but I'm happy about today.

The other place I have noticed this is birthdays. When I was a kid, my birthday was so special! You get to bring treats and posters to school, and Mom made my favorite meal and a birthday cake. By high school, I hated my birthdays because school was just normal, and I might get special dinner. Cake was still on the menu, of course. I finally realized, though, that my birthdays were rotten because I was expecting them to be special, not just a normal day. Once I adjusted my expectations of my birthday, I started to enjoy them again.

Why I love my jobs

I have 2 jobs: Mom and Realtor.

I love being Mom because there are no better rewards on the planet! There is just nothing like lying in bed with your baby on a lazy Saturday morning and smiling at each other--especially if your spouse is there, too! I like tickles, giggles, snuggles, and hugs, all of which are right around when you want them. I know yesterday I was complaining, but that is part of any job. There are good days, and there are not so good days. Days when you think you have the best job in the world, and days when you think you do not want to ever go back to that job.

Kandy said something quietly the other day, and I made her repeat it. Sheepishly she admitted to saying something about wishing she didn't have sisters. I'm sure she was expecting a lecture about needing to love her sisters all the time. Instead I told her honestly that there are moments I wish I didn't have kids. I sure wouldn't trade them for anything!!! But Ben and I say that sometimes we wish we could just visit the newlywed phase again.

Anyway, I also love the joy in watching my children accomplish something. I love watching them grow and become independent. With a busy day in real estate and Ben gone, they made their own lunch! They help each other and encourage each other. And there is no sweeter sound than my baby's laughter.

I like being a Realtor because I get paid to look at houses. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I've seen houses that make me drool, and I've seen houses that send me running and screaming for my hand sanitizer. There is also great satisfaction in helping people find a new home. When I get a house under contract or closed, there is a great sense of accomplishment. I love that my paying job allows plenty of time for my kids and family. There are spurts of wild and frenetic activity, but there are large lulls, too. If I don't want to answer my phone, I don't have to. I love having a reason to associate with other adults to discuss things other than sleeping, potty training, and losing teeth.

And speaking of jobs, I really should back to work on both of them!

Survival of the Determined or Socially Deprived

How many of you young parents feel like you are just trying to survive? I know I feel that way sometimes! I try and think of the last time I did things with friends just for fun, and I draw a blank. Oh, you know, there are the playdates where you get to talk to the other mom, but that just isn't the same thing! I keep thinking I would like to something more often with old friends, but the weeks and months just fly by. I try to count the time since I last saw my best friend from high school, and I can't remember when it was. Five or six months, I think.

There are days that are lots of fun (like the fair below), and I do enjoy spending time with my kids. I don't get enough dates or adult time, though. If I do have "adult time," it's usually because I'm off showing houses to clients or attending continuing education classes for real estate. I do enjoy it, but it's not exactly a leisure activity.

And I guess I do go walking with my friends...I have been too busy to do that this week. Maybe that's part of my problem. It has been a very long time since Ben and I got out without kids!

So let's get together and have some fun!

Nuttin' Honey

I pulled up my blog today and saw how long it has been since I updated it. This hasn't been a very eventful week, and I seem to have misplaced my camera... Blogging is interesting because some people write about events, some write about thoughts and feelings, and some do both. As I have been looking at my blog, I keep thinking I should write some deep thoughts. Unfortunately, I'm most likely to have deep thoughts while in the shower, far from my keyboard. When I sit down and try to come up with some thoughtful thoughts, my brain goes blank!

So I just thought I'd write today and say we're all here and alive! I have had some fun nights this week with friends. I went walking on Tuesday, and we had book club last night. I think it's time for Ben to go have a guys night because it has been a while since he has had one!

I guess the other "exciting" thing is the Great Clothing Change. I have been digging out all the hand-me-downs for Buster to find all the 6-9 month clothes (he was 5 months on Tuesday, but like I said, no camera!). I finally got around to getting out the 3T clothes for Sunny and cleaning out all the 24 month and 2T things. School uniforms need to come out of boxes for Missy. My living room is a disaster!

We are looking forward to a few things. Kandy starts 2nd grade on Monday, and Missy has her kindergarten assessment next week. A lot of Ben's family is in from out of town, so the girls are excited to play with cousins.