Resolution

It's interesting how much easier it is to offer my children healthy foods and less junk food than it is to do it for myself. I have a major weakness when it comes to sugar and chocolate. I wish I could be more like Ben! At the party on Monday night, he stood around snacking on carrots. I stood around snacking on lemon bars, frog-eye salad, and cookies. If there is sugar in the house, I will find it and eat it. In the absence of good treats, I will eat chocolate chips. If those are all gone, I have been known to take a spoon and go after straight brown sugar. I don't sit down with the bag, I just eat a spoonful here and there. I know I really should be better. I know that I should eat more fruits and vegetables and less fats and sugars. When I'm hungry, though, it's so hard. I just want to grab what tastes good and what I can eat quickly. The same lack of time that prohibits careful thought or preparation of my snacks also makes time for exercise tough to come by.

I have known that this could shorten my life expectancy, but in the moment, it's hard to think of the future. All I think of is what would taste yummy right now. And honestly, I'm not thrilled with the idea of getting old. I visit teach some pretty old sisters (2 of them have died since I started visiting them a few years ago), and so visiting them can be pretty depressing. The other option of dying young, though, has little to recommend it, either.

Now, however, my thoughts have changed. One of my friends is in the hospital, and it doesn't look too good for her. She was having some issues with her kidneys, and she has now contracted a blood infection. Her health has deteriorated significantly since I met her 5 years ago. She has 4 living children. The oldest is married, the second is a return missionary, the third (a girl) is out of high school, but the fourth is still a teenager. On Sunday, I saw this teenage daughter, and she looks as though she has been stricken a mortal blow. As I saw the look on her face, it made me truly appreciate how valuable my life is in the eyes of my children. What dreaming of being thinner or the general sense of my own mortal risk hasn't done, the look on her face managed to do. For the first time, I have a sincere interest in changing my habits in an attempt to improve my chances of a long life.

I fight an uphill battle against heart disease because it runs so strongly in my family. Heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure and cholesterol are pretty much a matter of course. My own cholesterol when tested 3 years ago made my doctor prescribe some strict diet changes for me. Did I do them? Not really. That was partly because I got pregnant shortly after and resorted to the "I'll eat anything that doesn't make me feel icky" mentality. Now I wish I could find that paper! In the meantime, though, I'm starting by trying to eat fruits and veggies for snacks instead of junk food. I ate two servings of carrots for snacks yesterday and an orange this morning.

I had thought in the past of putting some visual to remind me of being thinner on my cupboards or fridge to remind myself of my goals and discourage snacking. Now, however, the memory of my young friend's face comes up each time I want to make a poor decision. I want to be a part of my children's lives as long as possible. I want to be there when they become adults. I want to see and enjoy my grandchildren.

I am praying that my friend recovers to remain here with her family. However, I am also praying that they will be comforted in the event that it is her time to return to her Maker. Regardless of the outcome, though, I hope the memory of her daughter's fear and helplessness continues to motivate me to do what I can to prolong my life.