"You don't nurse grandbabies."

My cousin recently wrote on her blog about the great weaning dilemma. Her only daughter just turned one, so it is on her mind. I started to comment, but it got way too long. She inspired me, though, so I thought I would post a bit on my own blog about this topic.

She is concerned what people will think if she nurses a one-year-old during the day, and the doctor says she might be more likely to sleep through the night if she is weaned and on a more regular schedule.

Such a dilemma! My big advice? Don't worry about weird looks. Each nursing relationship is different, and no one should judge yours.

I don't have my kids on a strict schedule, but I do have a routine. Nursing is just after sleeping and before bedtime--no demand-feeding for me! I had to feel like I had some control over things! It made it easy to drop feedings. Most of my kids started dropping feedings on their own around 12 months and nursed the last time around 18 months. Missy and Sunny held on to their morning feedings the longest; Kandy loved the evenings. Because of the routine, though, I don't really have to nurse in public after about 9 months. (Good thing--none of them ever let me use a blanket.)

Buster is 10 months. He likes to chew. He, too, is teething, has a cold, and seems to get a lot of nutrition at night when there aren't big sisters around to distract him. And some days, we are chasing around so much that he misses some high chair feedings, or he gets graham crackers instead of baby food.

As I contemplate when to wean, I think about how I want my body back to myself, and I'd like to sleep through the night, too. I also think, though, of the lost cuddle time and the end of this very special part of the mother-child relationship. Buster is not much for cuddling without eating. Even his eating isn't too cuddly unless he falls asleep--he is more into grabbing, punching, and wiggling. When he weans, though, I will be able to diet. We might be able to get a night away from the kids. But will I ever nurse again?

So it is hard to let go, so in spite of pain and difficulties, I'll probably keep nursing him till 18 months or so, too. As someone else commented on her blog, you can never go back. I was at a retreat with other moms once, and one came into the room where I was nursing Kandy. She was so wistful, so I mentioned that she wasn't far off from having grandchildren. "You don't nurse grandbabies," she replied. It has made me think things over more than once, to try and really enjoy this phase. Someday this season of my life will be over. I won't miss working at my computer with a child crying at my knee or pressing the reset button. I will miss a certain little girl climbing into my lap, her little arms reaching around me, whispering, "I love you, Mommy."I won't miss stressing about noises waking the baby, but I will miss the pre-nap stories and snuggles. I won't miss them waking me up in the night, but I will miss them snuggling into bed with me in the mornings.

Motherhood is ever a balancing act between surviving and enjoying the present.

Well, now a baby is fussing for my attention, so I better stop writing about motherhood and go practice it.